Even the Earth is an oblate spheroid

All right, so I was aiming for crocheting a sphere. Keeping in mind that I wasn't bothering with any of that pattern nonsense, I thought, "okay, start with a little loopy bit, increase, maybe a couple of rows at the same diameter, decrease. Clearly this should be acceptable."

Not so!

Instead of getting a nice sphere (I went for eyeball colors, because, hey, if you're crocheting a sphere that is going to have no obvious purpose, anyway, it might as well be an eyeball, right?), I got this:



Not even close to a sphere. Really, I don't even think it constitutes an oblate spheroid--if anything, it sort of approximates a cylinder, and even that is rather a stretch. Just to avoid people making the same mistakes I did, here is what I did:

1. Chain 3, then loop what would have been your fourth chain stitch through the first chain stitch to make a little loopy jobber.
2. Working into the center of the loopy jobber, make 8 single crochets (or I think that's what they are, anyway. I'm still a little unclear on the terminology).
3. Start a new row by chaining 3 through the first single crochet, then single crochet two stitches into each of your 8 stitches in the previous row.
4. Start a new row, then alternate between stitching once and stitching twice into the stitches from the previous row.
5. In the next row, stitch singly into two stitches for each one you double stitch into
6. keep up the pattern you should see emerging here whereby you stitch singly into one additional stitch between doubly stitched stitches compared to the previous row.
7. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
8. At some point, decide you are happy with the diameter of the thing, do one row where you just stitch once into each stitch from the previous row.
9. Decrease by stitching singly into the same number of intervening stitches as you had on the last increase row, only now instead of having that double stitch, skip one entirely, and stitch into the following stitch. (i.e., stitch 7, skip 1, stitch 7, skip 1, etc.)
10. Stuff with stuff. Tie off and explode head.

I also recommend that you do as I did and work on this at 10AM in a pub on a Saturday while watching your friends watch soccer.

The whole FAIL aspect where the geometry of the thing is concerned has me thinking that I will attempt another stitchsphere later in the month. For now, though, please enjoy (hell yes).